Parental Advisory: The Real Meaning

Have you ever questioned what that parental advisory sticker was for? Parent's weekend explains it all.

Parental advisory takes on a whole new meaning during parents weekend. I feel it's a time when parents advise their children on what profane language is acceptable after a long day of tailgating, what sexual referances can be used in front of your children when they get to college and other things that children never thought the their parents would say/do.

The weekend before last was parents weekend at my university, my last parents weekend at that. Parent's weekend is one of those times in the year that kids love and hate. But the parents always love. It is a time for them to act as though they are in college again. I, personally love it, and here are some reasons why you should too.

My Parent's Weekend T-10:

1)It saves you about $100 in your allowance that month. Hello new Michael Kors booties.

2)Filet Mingon: a French phrase that is learned early on but is lost to all college students until parents weekend. When they are here we get great food. FOR “FREE”

3) Self Estem Building. Incase you were having bad self esstem because your peers were always beating you at drink games, this is a great time to gain back your confidence. You are well practiced you should beat your parents!

4) Black Mail. Most of us go to dinner with large groups during this weekend. Parents have a few drinks and inevitably share some embarrassing story about your friends in middle school….and let’s be honest we all know our parents have those kinds of stories on us.

5) TARGET. Everything you could have ever dreamed of is bought for you!

6) Tail gating has better quality alcohol. Shot Gunning a Dos Equis is very classy.

7) Parents reliving their glory days. I had a song dedicated to me by a friend’s father’s high school band. Dad's are constantly talking about how their frat(even though you have never heard of it) was the best on campus when they were in school. Mom's are on the dance floor holding hands with other moms(that they just met) mostly just so they will all stay standing.

8)Ultimate Walk of Shame. Picking up your friends from the nicest hotels in town because someone else’s older brother was irresistible and they had to ride the elevator down with their little league soccer coach and God Parents. Shoes in hand, last night’s outfit, hangover make-up and all. This always makes for a good story.

9 ) Cougar town. It’s not just a TV show. Mom’s everywhere dressed in their white jeans and small shirts with their plastic parts out to play. This is great for the boys and hysterical for us girls to watch in action.

10) Clarity. Finally understanding where you came from. They like to party. You like to party. It all make sense.

Even though it was my last parents’ weekend, I’m glad I now know how I will be at my children’s parents weekends. Starting now I’m counting down the days to Mom’s and Dad’s weekends on the reg.

Barbies on Crack

Do you pay for your friends?

I’m sure that if you are apart of the Greek system you have heard and feel like that is the most annoying question ever. And I guarantee you were asked that by a GDI (God Damn Independent) who probably only knows about Greek things because of Animal House, Greek(the TV show) and House Bunny. (Mind you all of these things have very realistic sides to them). This person doesn’t understand that we make the letters they don’t make us.

With that said, I have just finished my last go around in loudest, most estrogen filled 2 weeks of my life aka the widely known phenomenon we call RUSH and it is for sure the most rediculous, hypnotizing event ever.

The girls going through rush take on a Stepford wife-like form. They send pictures of themselves leaning up against trees or even better the new trendy shot of them leaning up against some old rustic looking garage in their lily Pulitzer dresses…bare foot (a little out of place, don't you think). They get letters sent to the sororities by old women who barley know them, who for the most part just copy their resume into letter form. They do their best job possible of cleaning up their Facebooks because they know they will be stalked severely by girls elected by their chapters to sit on Facebook all summer checking status updates. And the one I was most guilty of, for at least 3 months before rush they have a constant steam of word vomit about rush-everything from dresses to reputations.

Sorority girls prepare by practicing how to bounce around and chant like banshees, coming up with (sometimes perverted) slogans that will help them remember girls names, diving into tubs full of glitter so the decorations can be just perfect, and having hour long conversations about how to have conversations.

Then it happens-the one week out of the year that the word CUTE is used more than any other and when over a million girls each year “make the decision of their lifetime.” This week includes strategy to make the best “tops” want to be a part of the best chapter, high kicks and song rewrites that are more impressive than as seen on Broadway, and hundreds of girls in one kitchen eating any sort of food that it is possible to put some ones face on (M&Ms, Cakes, cookies, etc.). After the meaningful conversations that girls rarely remember happen girls make a choice. They can Tri the best, only chose once, GKODB or begin to claim any other slogan that will define the rest of their 4 years in college.

Though this process might seem as though we are all a bunch of “barbies on crack,” I can assure you that these friendships really do last a lifetime. Whether you are a DDD, KKG, DG, SAE, ATO, XYZ or any other combination of letters, you know you feel the same way.

All that really matters is for the next 7 months I’ll be reppin my sorority on the reg.

Faux Dating

Have you ever “been friends” with someone that all of your friends said you were dating?

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is called feaux dating. If you are semi attractive and have any sort or social skills with the opposite sex then I am sure you have fallen victim to a faux dating relationship.

Signs you are in a faux dating relationship:

• Constant communication with this person. Texting is the perfect outlet for feaux dating to start and advance. Everything that happens to you, you let that person know. A boy doesn’t care that you just got 6 ins cut off your hair and now you are having horrible flashbacks to your fifth grade bowl cut unless he really likes you. Especially if he adds a smiley to the text that is intended to make you feel better. Side note: if any boy is using emoji’s on a regular basis…you prob shouldn’t be worried they like you-maybe you could set him up with the hair stylist that gave you the bowl cut.
• Late night phone calls. The kinds of calls that if you were sitting around with your roommates and they call you go into your room and shut the door. In the words of Usher, U got it, U got it bad. When your on the phone-hang up and you call right back.
• Going to see movies you would never see unless that person asked you too. Yes, I will see Inception with you but seeing Leo isn’t the only reason-it’s just to spend time with your faux beau. For guys, The Notebook is the perfect example. No guy that is just a friend wants to be the shoulder you cry when the 2 old people die at the end. If I’m a bird you’re a bird…..and we are in love. GAME OVER.
• Going on small vacations solo. Lake houses, beach houses, river houses, ranches-all of these places are great place to spend quality time with a loved one…LOVED one…not just a friend. I want to teach how to wake board or ride a horse is a really great ploy to get some alone time and to unnecessarily touch someone….isn’t it boys.wink.wink.
• Dinner dates are called dates for a reason. They are for people that are dating or people that work and haven’t seen each other in a while. NOT for people that see each other/talk everyday. **note: spontaneous, meet each other at Central to grab a bite to eat is different than previously planned, riding-together-to-meals dates.

All of these things happen because one person is more attracted to the other. Sorry for ruining your game boys-but just ask the girl out already.

As for you girls, I say keep up the good work. I love faux dating relationships. Hilarious texts that keep you entertained during class/work. Check. Late night phone calls that make you feel worth something when your roommates are all hanging out with their boy friends. Check. Impressing guys at bars with all the guy movies you’ve seen without paying for the ticket. Check. Being able to shred the gnar due to your frequent wake board lessons. Check. Free Food. Check. Faux dating might actually be the way to go.

So you will see me out there with all of my faux beaus waiting for them to tell me they truly love me on the reg.

If barbie can't do it, WHO CAN

Have you ever thought about if you were in a different city you would have a better shot at finding your main squeeze?

Even though I failed geography in high school and yes, it was taught by the baseball coach, I truly believe that relationships are all about location. For the past 3 ½ years I have spent the majority of my going out days in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area and for the majority of the past 3 ½ years I have been single. Not the kind of single that screams I am single and excited about it! The kind of single that is single and ready to mingle….and mingling is a skill of mine. Funny thing is no relationship has come my way.

As I have stated before I am not a troll but in the DFW area I might as well live under a bridge. Interested to see if it was just me, I have talked to tons of my friends to see their reactions to the unkind, frat-star mentality of the boys here. NEWSFLASH-they all say the same thing! (halleluiah, it not just me!)

Guys here must believe shivery is dead. Some of my friends here are Barbies (blonde hair, legs for days, beautiful girls) and if they can’t get the time of day then really there is no hope for all of us Staceys, Skippers, and Midges’ (barbies friends ). This is sad….BUT girls there is hope!!

I have gone to bars while visiting other schools or in my hometown(Houston) and without fail I haven’t had to pay for drinks/have had witty, educated conversations. So what it really comes down to is location location location.

Just a heads up DFW is not the place to find love…Jake Pavleka is from the DFW and he is the perfect example of a DFW male with no skills in choosing a half descent mate. And lets be real, you all saw who he picked, Vienna, the least attractive, most obnoxious girl on The Bachelor. Maybe I should get bad extensions and figure out a way to send one eye astray at all times or maybe I’ll just stick to finding my beau in Houston.

Basically our Ken’s are out there…just not here. So as soon as May 2011 rolls around you will be seeing me at any of the following, OUTSIDE of the Dallas Ft. Worth area: bars, shopping malls, grocery stores-pretty much anywhere you could meet a future hubbie on the reg.

p.s. thank you to all guys in other areas for having brains and the skills of a gentlemen.

all i can prescribe is cranberry and vodka

Did you ever feel like your 21^st birthday was never going to happen?

I remember thinking 21 couldn’t come soon enough and once it was gone that there wasn’t going to be a more exciting birthday until 100 (and lets be honest by then your old and saggy and the crown on your head looks better on your 3 yr old great grand daughter.)

I have been 21 one for 5 months and 4 days, take it from someone who is experienced, 21 is deadly. When that day come I suggest sleeping for at least 48 hours before you turn 21, waking up in 2 hr intervals to chug at least a gallon of water. Doing these things may hydrate/prepare you for what you are about to be up against…but probably not, because 21 doesn’t only mean you can drink legally it means that you WILL drink everything in sight that night and will inevitably have the worst hangover you have ever had…trust me. I know. We had a sorority event the next day and I spent the whole time in an alumni’s pink bow wall papered bathroom hugging the toilet like it was my long lost twin. But it was worth it.

I thought it was over, that was my one harrah—oh how I was wrong.

21 happens for a whole year!

21^st birthday parties are DEADLY. The reason this is the case is because everyone ends up taking the shots together that have been bought for the birthday girl. This is around the time that any elevated surfaces become dance floors and double fisting is not frowned upon but encouraged. No one wants to do this alone so if you are the best friend/roommate/sister/or just the person standing in arms length distance you have to do everything the birthday girl does---including the hangover…

Today is my roommate/best friends 21^st so all of you out there expect drunk dials and to the Whataburger attendant, please have the honey butter chicken biscuit waiting -see you tomorrow morning.

Basically don’t be sad if you haven’t turned 21 its coming soon and it is worth it when it comes and if you are 21 congrats for surviving and find younger friends so you can repeat the fun on the reg.

Calling all boys: IT'S WHITE JEANS SEASON!

How many fashion rules do you follow?

I don’t really follow any other than, “mix and match it’s fun to do!” and I don’t really actually think that is a fashion rule I think it is more of something my mother just started saying when she realized that me being allowed to dress myself meant I was going to put orange polka dotted leggings with a purple and green stripped shirt. I never really followed any other fashion rules though. Sorry Anna Wintour you might rule vogues fashion world but not mine.

This brings me to the “no white after Labor Day and only after Easter” rule. This means boys your favorite time of year as begun….WHITE JEANS SEASON! Actually lucky for the boys most college girls in Texas know that spring break is always the beginning of white jeans season.

White jeans may intimidate you ladies…if your legs aren’t stick thin or if you know mother nature will be giving you a lovely gift soon but all I have to say is. There is genius in boldness-do what you can today…aka where your white jeans proudly and you will find you a hottie!

A fellow blogger and good friend(who is cute and single and ready to mingle) tells me his feelings on white jeans, “one they are an easier color to see the shape of a girls butt i think or maybe the white attracts your eyes more but i cant stop looking when the jeans are white. It also makes your wonder if they are wearing underwear....and usually we guess no...which puts a smile on our face.” ***For more thoughts from Big Cat check out doyouwannacumova.blogspot.com*** Though that might be a little vulgar, once again it’s the truth and lets be honest it makes the boys drool. It’s all in the color.

You are tan, looking good with your spring break bikini bod, so to quote Hilary Duff "why not take a crazy chance, why not do a crazy dance"….in your white pants!

I know I will be shakin’ my white jeans proudly from now until Labor Day on the reg.

BIG BLONDE AND BEAUTIFUL

During the winter have you ever wished you looked a little bit more like the summer version of you?

We all do-there is no question in my mind that everyone would agree, we all look better in the summer. You are tanner, skinnier, blonder and just all around better looking. Cosmo had a statistic that something like 54% of people meet their boyfriends/girlfriends in the warmer months. Yes, the weather is hotter but I’m convinced as a race, WE ARE HOTTER too!

So because I will be spending my spring break in New York City (buying clothes for the warmer months slash my new boy toy that I’m destined to find this spring) I will not be getting a tan like those of you partying it up in Cabo Wabo. Therefore I decided to solve all my problems in a bottle. No, not the alcohol bottle (but that might help too) a bottle self tanner and a bottle of shampoo that is color depositing (blonde, of course). Both of which have a weird stench, a horrifyingly bright orange color and have glitter in them-just call me Mariah.

Yes, sometimes these things go horribly wrong. People turn orange, they smell funny, and all around look like an umpa lumpa. And the shampoo could be bad too, the whole my hair turning bleach blonde or all my hair falling out thing is petrifying. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

So far, I am a couple of days in and none of these terrifying things have happened…actually I’m lookin’ kinda good.

So all you paradise jet setters be ready because when you get back I’ll be big blonde and beautiful and will have a whole new wardrobe.

So watch out all you guys out there I am ready for the warm months and I’ll be out on the prowl on the reg.

spring break workout terror

Have you ever felt like you would rather anything happen that you been seen while working out?

I have…daily. Being that it is the week before, the weeke before spring break EVERYONE is at the REC. Therefore, being the single the girl that I am, looking a hot mess while working out isn’t ideal. So here is how the week at the REC went for me:

Monday: I went in the afternoon, to expect to see no one there. It is usually pretty empty early afternoon, so I figured it would be a good day to wear my leggings that have a hole in them. Oh yes, the hole is strategically right in the middle of my left butt cheek. Its small and most people wouldn’t notice and usually my shirt is covering it. Well I’m downstairs in the REC doing lunges(the area were all the cute boys are) and I see this really cute boy checking me out. Of course I am thinking, ohh yea I’m so cute…it wasn’t until I got home that I noticed the whole was now the size of a dime and he wasn’t looking at my (not-so) hot bod but really just the huge hole in my ass.

Tuesday: During class a couple good friends and I decide to go to a kickboxing class at the REC-great idea right, work out early, get our lives all together, it will be fun! NOT FUN! MISERABLY HARD! 1^st Nazi lesbian teacher is terrifying and very serious. She preempts the class by saying if you feel nauseous at any time feel free to excuse yourself! I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was coaching for bulimia! 2^nd right after our extremely hard class, to reward ourselves we headed for Fuzzy’s Taco Shop and munched hard…glad we burned all those calories. I mean at least we walked over there right.

Wednesday: I woke up miserably sore (thank you Nazi kick boxing teacher) and headed to the REC for a light work out right before my afternoon class. This class is full of cute boys, maybe my only class with boys in it in general. So while at the REC my friend points out the bearded midget man next to us jumping rope vigorously. Oh don’t worry it was my professor for the class I had that afternoon. I thought, awkward, but no big deal. Later that afternoon, he calls me out in front of the whole class, “Hey, maybe we should get on a work out regimen together…looks like you were getting at the weights pretty hard.” And success, I am mortified…don’t think I’ll be getting asked out on any dates from that class, now that teach and I have our weekly REC date.

Thursday: I went to the REC around 5, horrible mistake. Not only is it crowded it is full of boys! Hot boys that are going to see me looking a hot mess. Everyone has that one boy that they would do anything to date, well mine is older, beautiful and clearly spends a lot of time at the REC if you know what I mean. Well anyways, I was working out on the machine next to the stairs. I see him coming up the stairs so I start to go faster and right as he said, “oh hey,” my knee gave out and I FEEL OFF THE MACHINE. Mind you it was a cross trainer so after I fell off it came back and hit me. Kick me while I’m down…awesome. Thank god, he didn’t notice, but the girl next to me gave me the laugh/sorry for me “Are you ok?” PERFECT.

It’s Friday morning and I am very reluctant to get up and go to the REC in fear of something happening that will either seriously hurt me physically or something happening that will prevent me from ever getting a date.

All I know is come two weeks from now, all this torture better be worth it when I am sportin my bather on the reg.

Perfect Wedding: something old(me) something new(boyfriend) something borrowed(charm) and something blue(dress)

Do you ever think about who your bridesmaids will be when you get married?

I never thought that at the age of 21 I would be talking about who my mine would be but I am. Apparently that is the conversation of the month. Maybe it was all the Valentines Day hype, which by the way should just be called Singles Awareness Day.

Or maybe its actually real, maybe all of my friends will be married within the next year. Which is terrifying because I don’t even have any prospects for a boyfriend much less a husband. So I guess, 27 Dresses here I come, always a brides maid, never a bride.

Coming from a group of 12 best friends in highschool and then joining a sorority means that there is potential for me to be in A LOT of weddings.

Which might turn out to be perfect for me. It means that there are that many more guys (groomsmen) for me to meet when these awesome, open bar, shit-shows (I mean weddings) start happening.

So to all you future brides out there aka, all my roommates, I’m going to need you to pick out cute bride's maid dresses so that I can find me a beau and be the next bride. I need something sweetheart, cinched at the waist and preferably blue-it really brings out my eyes. K thanks.

So starting with my sister, who I’m sure will be next, I need you to find a husband that has really cute, smart, funny, successful friends so that whoever walks me down the aisle at your wedding could be the one Daddy walks me down the aisle towards at my own. So all in all, in trade for the dress and new boyfriend of choice I promise I will plan some great bachelorette parties on the reg.

"just friends" YEA RIGHT!

Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex that was just a friend?

LIAR!!!

Ok ok, that was a little harsh but I am the queen of “just friends” and I really do after putting some research into it believe that there is no such thing as a platonic friendship between girls and guys at least not in the beginning. I used to be the biggest proponent for guy and girl friendships.

It wasn’t until a good guy friend (who I thought was one of the best looking guys I’d ever met) said, “I don’t believe that when you meet a guy and he makes you laugh and doesn’t have a bad jaw line either, that you are like, hmm I want him to be my best friend.” In my head I was hoping he didn’t know that’s how I felt about him, but he was right. Of course, I said nothing and waited for him to continue. He then said, "It goes both ways, do you think that when you walk out of your house when you are going out at night and your best guy friend looks you up and down, maybe lingers a little when he gets to your chest, that he is thinking man I would never touch her, she is like my sister? No, he is think uh huh, I could tap that.” Vulgar but true.

This sent my head/heart for a whirl wind…which of my guy friends think I’m hot? If I don’t think he is cute does that mean he thinks I’m cute? If I told him I loved him would he love me back? Ok, maybe not that extreme but lets be honest that is kinda a scary thought.

I mean everyone has had that friend that they liked but then as soon as they started to like you, you stopped liking them or worse that friend that you drunkenly made out with and you never speak of it again. Girls and boys aren’t meant to be friends but we all believe in torturing ourselves by getting close enough to touch without actually touching.

I have gone on to believe he was right to an extent that maybe a relationship can grow into a platonic friendship but every guy/girl friendship starts with one person thinking the other was attractive or they wouldn’t have thought about even talking to the other to begin with. It’s just the way we are made.

All and all at the moment I have a plethora of guy friends that I wouldn’t want to date…and I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t date me but if you are reading this boys, you could be Mr. Right. SO LET ME KNOW!

So, to all you boys out there I don’t need any more guy friends I’M LOOKING FOR THE REAL DEAL on the reg.

pretty vs. funny

Dear Mom,

I know you are worried that the people that read my blog think I am a “troll.” I’ll try and let them know that I am pretty but I’m not really sure how to do that in a funny way. The problem is if my readers think I’m pretty they won’t think I’m funny. It’s kinda like in Legally Blonde, “happy people just don’t kill their husbands, “ well pretty people just don’t write funny blogs

Maybe I should just tell them I’m pretty and not be funny at all. I’ve never seen anybody turn off Heidi Klum. But let’s be honest, I think Heidi is in a different gene pool than us-I’m not sure if her genes would sit at the same lunch table as ours.

Heidi Klum or not, I figure if people tell you that you look like a celebrity (that’s not Hilary Clinton or Kathy Griffin) than you are probably pretty good looking. The celebrity I look like people usually can’t think of her name, it’s usually, “you look like that white girl in that dance movie.” (Julia Stiles) It’s fine, she is still a celebrity and a pretty good looking one at that. So I think I might stick to the pretty theme because let’s be honest I’m not really similar to any other comedians.

Qualities of good comedians that I don’t have:

• I’m not Jewish, no Jew-fro, no Hanukah jokes, no JAP (Jewish American princess) stories. Adam Sandler has all of these things; I don’t even have an egghead. NOT FAIR.
• I don’t have red hair. It seems weird but red heads have a one up in the comedy world. I think it’s because they are generally angry at the world in a funny way. Ie. Carrot Top and Kathy Griffin
• I’m not a red neck. I can’t joke about “that twister that rolled through my kitchen and snatched up my kids but it’s ok because it left the beer. “ I’m an inner city girl, and I think Bill Engvall has that country genre covered.
• I’m not fat. I can’t joke about being the “biggest loser” or ask you to “get in my belly!” RIP Chris Farley
• I’m not Black. It’s just not funny when white people joke about being suppressed. And let’s be honest Dave Shappelle’s white people voice makes everything he says funnier.

All and all I don’t really have any qualities of a good comedian. So you are right, I’ll just tell them I’m pretty. I love you so much! You are the best mom ever.

Love,

Your beautiful daughter

P.S. I’m still going to talk about my lack of love life on the reg.

Cupid Give Me Some Arrows

Have you ever wished that someone would just set you up so that you didn't have to go out looking for prince charming?

I DO!! But its never happened like that for me. Actually, I lied, one time it did happen and instead or prince charming I got a Shrek like stalker, but that is beside the point.

I am more of the setter upper instead of the set up. If you have ever seen "Fiddler on the Roof" you know the song, "match maker, match maker make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch." That's my theme song, in more ways than one. It's a sad situation for me, but if you are single and ready to mingle I will probably find you a a cute, smart, funny boyfriend that I am "just friends with" (but secretly love with) in hours of you telling me you want one. I know, your thinking this isn't true, that I'm not Patti Stanger from the Millionaires club-I'm Better!

You could be one of my single friends reading this right now, thinking but I go out with you all the time and I don't have a boyfriend. But I promise if I worked at it for one night, you and Mr. Perfect(let's be honest with my group of friends, Mr. Frat Star) will be riding off together into sunset by the end of the night in a horse drawn carriage(or F150). Believe me, I have better success rates than eHarmony.

All I know is in about 2 years I expect to be giving some hilarious bridesmaid speeches on the reg.

KATRINA vs. Electronics!!

Have you ever felt like all of your electronics were going against you?

I am usually not one of those people.

I am usually the the abuser, I fully understand that my friends have nicknamed me Katrina for a reason. Yes, Katrina, like the hurricane. I break most things I touch and leave my debree most everywhere I go. I tend to have issues keeping my arms and legs in control(my parents always told me that was because I was growing. Not growing anymore guys, I'm 21) which leads me to be a bull in a china shop of some sorts.

But this week it was as if all of my electronics were seeking revenge. It was war.

Sunday: I have been known to drop phones in liquids, peeled the numbers off of them, covered them in duct tape but Sunday really took the cake. one of my friends drove over it. The screen was black but at least it still kinda worked.

later that day i new it was done when a spark flew out of the bottom.

Monday: I tried to watch a a video, yes video tape, on my TV. Mind you, my TV is a TV/VCR circa 1989. I mean the type of old that people walk into my room and ask me if "that dinosaur" works? Well, thanks to the tape that got stuck in the VCR, the answer is NO, it won't even turn on.

TVs down for the count.

Tuesday:I woke up and went to my 8am(the only people that should wake up that early are people with jobs and people with dogs) and brought my computer to class to take notes. I opened the computer and tried to open a new document. I have a mac book pro and the track pad wasn't responding.

Mac book=1 me=0.

It is Wednesday and nothing is broken yet but i am sure something will go by the wayside. But I'm just waiting! I will be ready!

Whether it's my Katrina skills or my magnetic personality, even though the electronics think they have one up on me. I will persevere and win the war on the reg.

love boat vs. love in this club

Have you ever thought about how different your life would be if you were a different ethnicity?

I think about it all the time.

I have your typical 1950's pin up girl coke bottle figure. Which now-a-days barely gets you aboard the love boat, and even once you are on, you are just a white girl with curves.

Considering, I live in a bubble that consists of country club good ole boys and moms who are not only hotter than their daughters, they look like Twiggy. Curves aren't exactly something that guys are looking for.

This year I changed my mind. Guys are looking for girls with curves, just not white guys.

During my time on a campus that is 76% White and 5% Black, 76% of the dates I have been asked out on were by Black guys, 18% by creamies(this is a term I have come by for inter-racial people) and 5% white guys. It's true those good ole boys aren't looking for a girl like me.

AWESOME.

CASE IN POINT: If I were Black my life would be different for sure. I WOULD BE A HOTTIE!!

I am loud and proud and got it going on. Maybe I should jump off the love boat(*note: I was never really on board) and move to makin' love in the club.

So from now on call me Shanana Destiny on the reg.

Take My Picture

Have you ever tried to make yourself look skinnier in pictures...

Yes, I gave you that pause to admit it to yourself that you have...It's ok we all do it!

Ever lifted your chin a little higher to avoid the double chin?

Ever smiled a little smaller so maybe you wouldn't show so much gum?

Ever bent over a little bit so that maybe your boobs would just fall perfectly into place?

Those are all pretty good but my personal favorite is the arm pop....

The arm pop has truly become popular in recent years or maybe I just came to the age where the arm pop became necessary. That's terrifying.

I don't think I have one picture framed that the girl on the end doesn't have her arm popped...yes it's true-we don't fight to be in the middle of the picture because we want to get closer to our best friend or the cute boy in the middle (I mean we don't hate that either) it's so that our arms are completely hidden.

Here is the catch, guys have totally caught on...they know we do it. We aren't hiding anything by doing any of the above things because they see right through us especially those of them that know us in real life. But, we do look damn good in our Facebook pics. And looking good in a picture is a confidence booster.

So to my fellow photo divas, keep up the good work. Even though I know they have us figured out, I don't care. I like that my arm looks skinnier and that those double chins some how molded into one and I know he does too.

Therefore, I am and will forever be a arm popper on the reg.

P.S. Skinny girls don't fight it. Stand on the damn end.

Marching to the beat of your own drum

Have you ever wished that your life was set to music? I have, daily, actually pretty much if I'm doing anything I think about how if I were in a movie there would be some great tune in the background explaining exactly what I was thinking.

I feel like this is definitely applicable when it comes to relationships...

for example...

• The 1st time you were kissed in truth or dare in middle school by the boy you really liked and your best friend dared him to kiss you because she new you would melt-Crush by Jennifer Paige totally would have been playing
• When you were walking down the beach holding hands with your boyfriend...yea people actually take long walks on the beach-My Boo by Usher and Alicia Keys was running through your head
• When you are breaking it down on the dance floor smiling at that new someone special you just met in the bar and all you wanna do is dance-Boogie Shoes by KC & the Sunshine band is blaring as the montage of you throwing your head back and laughing
• When you are in a huge fight with that guy that you don't really want to leave but you just want to make a point-Give Me One Reason by Tracy Chapman is playing with it's slow beat to sooth the soul
• or the most common for me, unfortunately, when that relationship doesn't work out and you are so sad you feel like nothing can make it better and you think to yourself "Will I ever love again?"-The Trouble With Love by Kelly Clarkson is playing loud enough to drown out your thoughts

It seems a little dramatic but don't you feel that if you had music set to your life you would absolutely by the soundtrack. I know I would.

All I know is as of right now "I'm Walking On Sunshine" on the reg.

FOMO

Have you ever had that feeling that when you meet someone they just completely understand you. That he is the one person that can really see into your soul.

Yea..I don't usually get those butterflies. I usually meet a guy at a bar and think, this was great talking to you but I feel like those people over there are having a better conversation than the one that we are having. So being as ADD as I am, I completely loose focus say "Oh? yea" every now and then, maybe even throw in a giggle here and there and wait for just the right moment for me to interject in the conversation the the two people are having next to me...
Usually guys don't call you out for that sort of thing and the people I interrupt tend to enjoy a new conversation booster considering I'll probably get bored with that conversation soon and do exactly the same thing I did to the last guy to them within 5 mins.

It wasn't until recently that I was called out for this. And who would have thunk it...what I thought was just disinterest in having a long conversation is an actual thing...

FOMO:Fear Of Missing Out

It was just another innocent night out at the bar this guy and I start talking-he was tall dark and handsome everything most girls would want and then it happened he told me his name...Gill

Gill just sounds like an old geezer that wears suspenders and has that weird snort sniffle laugh. not to mention that is not a name...it is what fish breath out of. I wouldn't name a child nostril, would you.
Well any way, my attention span began to wither and the people next to me started talking about shark week (I mean how could you not want to jump in there). That was it...I was hooked on their conversation. I started to turn and I'm sure said something brilliant and very in-lighting like "Did you know, sharks have the most powerful jaws on the planet!" when Gill grabbed my hand and said, "You are such a FOMO!!"
What do you know, Gill got my attention again. He explained that I had the fear of missing out. And he was right I never want to miss a good conversation.

And that's when I knew...that fish nostril might have been that one person that did completely understand me. Too bad I haven't seen him again since that night. Guess there was a better conversation out there.


well kids that's that, I am a FOMO on the reg.