BIG BLONDE AND BEAUTIFUL

During the winter have you ever wished you looked a little bit more like the summer version of you?

We all do-there is no question in my mind that everyone would agree, we all look better in the summer. You are tanner, skinnier, blonder and just all around better looking. Cosmo had a statistic that something like 54% of people meet their boyfriends/girlfriends in the warmer months. Yes, the weather is hotter but I’m convinced as a race, WE ARE HOTTER too!

So because I will be spending my spring break in New York City (buying clothes for the warmer months slash my new boy toy that I’m destined to find this spring) I will not be getting a tan like those of you partying it up in Cabo Wabo. Therefore I decided to solve all my problems in a bottle. No, not the alcohol bottle (but that might help too) a bottle self tanner and a bottle of shampoo that is color depositing (blonde, of course). Both of which have a weird stench, a horrifyingly bright orange color and have glitter in them-just call me Mariah.

Yes, sometimes these things go horribly wrong. People turn orange, they smell funny, and all around look like an umpa lumpa. And the shampoo could be bad too, the whole my hair turning bleach blonde or all my hair falling out thing is petrifying. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

So far, I am a couple of days in and none of these terrifying things have happened…actually I’m lookin’ kinda good.

So all you paradise jet setters be ready because when you get back I’ll be big blonde and beautiful and will have a whole new wardrobe.

So watch out all you guys out there I am ready for the warm months and I’ll be out on the prowl on the reg.

spring break workout terror

Have you ever felt like you would rather anything happen that you been seen while working out?

I have…daily. Being that it is the week before, the weeke before spring break EVERYONE is at the REC. Therefore, being the single the girl that I am, looking a hot mess while working out isn’t ideal. So here is how the week at the REC went for me:

Monday: I went in the afternoon, to expect to see no one there. It is usually pretty empty early afternoon, so I figured it would be a good day to wear my leggings that have a hole in them. Oh yes, the hole is strategically right in the middle of my left butt cheek. Its small and most people wouldn’t notice and usually my shirt is covering it. Well I’m downstairs in the REC doing lunges(the area were all the cute boys are) and I see this really cute boy checking me out. Of course I am thinking, ohh yea I’m so cute…it wasn’t until I got home that I noticed the whole was now the size of a dime and he wasn’t looking at my (not-so) hot bod but really just the huge hole in my ass.

Tuesday: During class a couple good friends and I decide to go to a kickboxing class at the REC-great idea right, work out early, get our lives all together, it will be fun! NOT FUN! MISERABLY HARD! 1^st Nazi lesbian teacher is terrifying and very serious. She preempts the class by saying if you feel nauseous at any time feel free to excuse yourself! I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was coaching for bulimia! 2^nd right after our extremely hard class, to reward ourselves we headed for Fuzzy’s Taco Shop and munched hard…glad we burned all those calories. I mean at least we walked over there right.

Wednesday: I woke up miserably sore (thank you Nazi kick boxing teacher) and headed to the REC for a light work out right before my afternoon class. This class is full of cute boys, maybe my only class with boys in it in general. So while at the REC my friend points out the bearded midget man next to us jumping rope vigorously. Oh don’t worry it was my professor for the class I had that afternoon. I thought, awkward, but no big deal. Later that afternoon, he calls me out in front of the whole class, “Hey, maybe we should get on a work out regimen together…looks like you were getting at the weights pretty hard.” And success, I am mortified…don’t think I’ll be getting asked out on any dates from that class, now that teach and I have our weekly REC date.

Thursday: I went to the REC around 5, horrible mistake. Not only is it crowded it is full of boys! Hot boys that are going to see me looking a hot mess. Everyone has that one boy that they would do anything to date, well mine is older, beautiful and clearly spends a lot of time at the REC if you know what I mean. Well anyways, I was working out on the machine next to the stairs. I see him coming up the stairs so I start to go faster and right as he said, “oh hey,” my knee gave out and I FEEL OFF THE MACHINE. Mind you it was a cross trainer so after I fell off it came back and hit me. Kick me while I’m down…awesome. Thank god, he didn’t notice, but the girl next to me gave me the laugh/sorry for me “Are you ok?” PERFECT.

It’s Friday morning and I am very reluctant to get up and go to the REC in fear of something happening that will either seriously hurt me physically or something happening that will prevent me from ever getting a date.

All I know is come two weeks from now, all this torture better be worth it when I am sportin my bather on the reg.