pretty vs. funny

Dear Mom,

I know you are worried that the people that read my blog think I am a “troll.” I’ll try and let them know that I am pretty but I’m not really sure how to do that in a funny way. The problem is if my readers think I’m pretty they won’t think I’m funny. It’s kinda like in Legally Blonde, “happy people just don’t kill their husbands, “ well pretty people just don’t write funny blogs

Maybe I should just tell them I’m pretty and not be funny at all. I’ve never seen anybody turn off Heidi Klum. But let’s be honest, I think Heidi is in a different gene pool than us-I’m not sure if her genes would sit at the same lunch table as ours.

Heidi Klum or not, I figure if people tell you that you look like a celebrity (that’s not Hilary Clinton or Kathy Griffin) than you are probably pretty good looking. The celebrity I look like people usually can’t think of her name, it’s usually, “you look like that white girl in that dance movie.” (Julia Stiles) It’s fine, she is still a celebrity and a pretty good looking one at that. So I think I might stick to the pretty theme because let’s be honest I’m not really similar to any other comedians.

Qualities of good comedians that I don’t have:

• I’m not Jewish, no Jew-fro, no Hanukah jokes, no JAP (Jewish American princess) stories. Adam Sandler has all of these things; I don’t even have an egghead. NOT FAIR.
• I don’t have red hair. It seems weird but red heads have a one up in the comedy world. I think it’s because they are generally angry at the world in a funny way. Ie. Carrot Top and Kathy Griffin
• I’m not a red neck. I can’t joke about “that twister that rolled through my kitchen and snatched up my kids but it’s ok because it left the beer. “ I’m an inner city girl, and I think Bill Engvall has that country genre covered.
• I’m not fat. I can’t joke about being the “biggest loser” or ask you to “get in my belly!” RIP Chris Farley
• I’m not Black. It’s just not funny when white people joke about being suppressed. And let’s be honest Dave Shappelle’s white people voice makes everything he says funnier.

All and all I don’t really have any qualities of a good comedian. So you are right, I’ll just tell them I’m pretty. I love you so much! You are the best mom ever.

Love,

Your beautiful daughter

P.S. I’m still going to talk about my lack of love life on the reg.