Barbies on Crack

Do you pay for your friends?

I’m sure that if you are apart of the Greek system you have heard and feel like that is the most annoying question ever. And I guarantee you were asked that by a GDI (God Damn Independent) who probably only knows about Greek things because of Animal House, Greek(the TV show) and House Bunny. (Mind you all of these things have very realistic sides to them). This person doesn’t understand that we make the letters they don’t make us.

With that said, I have just finished my last go around in loudest, most estrogen filled 2 weeks of my life aka the widely known phenomenon we call RUSH and it is for sure the most rediculous, hypnotizing event ever.

The girls going through rush take on a Stepford wife-like form. They send pictures of themselves leaning up against trees or even better the new trendy shot of them leaning up against some old rustic looking garage in their lily Pulitzer dresses…bare foot (a little out of place, don't you think). They get letters sent to the sororities by old women who barley know them, who for the most part just copy their resume into letter form. They do their best job possible of cleaning up their Facebooks because they know they will be stalked severely by girls elected by their chapters to sit on Facebook all summer checking status updates. And the one I was most guilty of, for at least 3 months before rush they have a constant steam of word vomit about rush-everything from dresses to reputations.

Sorority girls prepare by practicing how to bounce around and chant like banshees, coming up with (sometimes perverted) slogans that will help them remember girls names, diving into tubs full of glitter so the decorations can be just perfect, and having hour long conversations about how to have conversations.

Then it happens-the one week out of the year that the word CUTE is used more than any other and when over a million girls each year “make the decision of their lifetime.” This week includes strategy to make the best “tops” want to be a part of the best chapter, high kicks and song rewrites that are more impressive than as seen on Broadway, and hundreds of girls in one kitchen eating any sort of food that it is possible to put some ones face on (M&Ms, Cakes, cookies, etc.). After the meaningful conversations that girls rarely remember happen girls make a choice. They can Tri the best, only chose once, GKODB or begin to claim any other slogan that will define the rest of their 4 years in college.

Though this process might seem as though we are all a bunch of “barbies on crack,” I can assure you that these friendships really do last a lifetime. Whether you are a DDD, KKG, DG, SAE, ATO, XYZ or any other combination of letters, you know you feel the same way.

All that really matters is for the next 7 months I’ll be reppin my sorority on the reg.

Faux Dating

Have you ever “been friends” with someone that all of your friends said you were dating?

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is called feaux dating. If you are semi attractive and have any sort or social skills with the opposite sex then I am sure you have fallen victim to a faux dating relationship.

Signs you are in a faux dating relationship:

• Constant communication with this person. Texting is the perfect outlet for feaux dating to start and advance. Everything that happens to you, you let that person know. A boy doesn’t care that you just got 6 ins cut off your hair and now you are having horrible flashbacks to your fifth grade bowl cut unless he really likes you. Especially if he adds a smiley to the text that is intended to make you feel better. Side note: if any boy is using emoji’s on a regular basis…you prob shouldn’t be worried they like you-maybe you could set him up with the hair stylist that gave you the bowl cut.
• Late night phone calls. The kinds of calls that if you were sitting around with your roommates and they call you go into your room and shut the door. In the words of Usher, U got it, U got it bad. When your on the phone-hang up and you call right back.
• Going to see movies you would never see unless that person asked you too. Yes, I will see Inception with you but seeing Leo isn’t the only reason-it’s just to spend time with your faux beau. For guys, The Notebook is the perfect example. No guy that is just a friend wants to be the shoulder you cry when the 2 old people die at the end. If I’m a bird you’re a bird…..and we are in love. GAME OVER.
• Going on small vacations solo. Lake houses, beach houses, river houses, ranches-all of these places are great place to spend quality time with a loved one…LOVED one…not just a friend. I want to teach how to wake board or ride a horse is a really great ploy to get some alone time and to unnecessarily touch someone….isn’t it boys.wink.wink.
• Dinner dates are called dates for a reason. They are for people that are dating or people that work and haven’t seen each other in a while. NOT for people that see each other/talk everyday. **note: spontaneous, meet each other at Central to grab a bite to eat is different than previously planned, riding-together-to-meals dates.

All of these things happen because one person is more attracted to the other. Sorry for ruining your game boys-but just ask the girl out already.

As for you girls, I say keep up the good work. I love faux dating relationships. Hilarious texts that keep you entertained during class/work. Check. Late night phone calls that make you feel worth something when your roommates are all hanging out with their boy friends. Check. Impressing guys at bars with all the guy movies you’ve seen without paying for the ticket. Check. Being able to shred the gnar due to your frequent wake board lessons. Check. Free Food. Check. Faux dating might actually be the way to go.

So you will see me out there with all of my faux beaus waiting for them to tell me they truly love me on the reg.

If barbie can't do it, WHO CAN

Have you ever thought about if you were in a different city you would have a better shot at finding your main squeeze?

Even though I failed geography in high school and yes, it was taught by the baseball coach, I truly believe that relationships are all about location. For the past 3 ½ years I have spent the majority of my going out days in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area and for the majority of the past 3 ½ years I have been single. Not the kind of single that screams I am single and excited about it! The kind of single that is single and ready to mingle….and mingling is a skill of mine. Funny thing is no relationship has come my way.

As I have stated before I am not a troll but in the DFW area I might as well live under a bridge. Interested to see if it was just me, I have talked to tons of my friends to see their reactions to the unkind, frat-star mentality of the boys here. NEWSFLASH-they all say the same thing! (halleluiah, it not just me!)

Guys here must believe shivery is dead. Some of my friends here are Barbies (blonde hair, legs for days, beautiful girls) and if they can’t get the time of day then really there is no hope for all of us Staceys, Skippers, and Midges’ (barbies friends ). This is sad….BUT girls there is hope!!

I have gone to bars while visiting other schools or in my hometown(Houston) and without fail I haven’t had to pay for drinks/have had witty, educated conversations. So what it really comes down to is location location location.

Just a heads up DFW is not the place to find love…Jake Pavleka is from the DFW and he is the perfect example of a DFW male with no skills in choosing a half descent mate. And lets be real, you all saw who he picked, Vienna, the least attractive, most obnoxious girl on The Bachelor. Maybe I should get bad extensions and figure out a way to send one eye astray at all times or maybe I’ll just stick to finding my beau in Houston.

Basically our Ken’s are out there…just not here. So as soon as May 2011 rolls around you will be seeing me at any of the following, OUTSIDE of the Dallas Ft. Worth area: bars, shopping malls, grocery stores-pretty much anywhere you could meet a future hubbie on the reg.

p.s. thank you to all guys in other areas for having brains and the skills of a gentlemen.

all i can prescribe is cranberry and vodka

Did you ever feel like your 21^st birthday was never going to happen?

I remember thinking 21 couldn’t come soon enough and once it was gone that there wasn’t going to be a more exciting birthday until 100 (and lets be honest by then your old and saggy and the crown on your head looks better on your 3 yr old great grand daughter.)

I have been 21 one for 5 months and 4 days, take it from someone who is experienced, 21 is deadly. When that day come I suggest sleeping for at least 48 hours before you turn 21, waking up in 2 hr intervals to chug at least a gallon of water. Doing these things may hydrate/prepare you for what you are about to be up against…but probably not, because 21 doesn’t only mean you can drink legally it means that you WILL drink everything in sight that night and will inevitably have the worst hangover you have ever had…trust me. I know. We had a sorority event the next day and I spent the whole time in an alumni’s pink bow wall papered bathroom hugging the toilet like it was my long lost twin. But it was worth it.

I thought it was over, that was my one harrah—oh how I was wrong.

21 happens for a whole year!

21^st birthday parties are DEADLY. The reason this is the case is because everyone ends up taking the shots together that have been bought for the birthday girl. This is around the time that any elevated surfaces become dance floors and double fisting is not frowned upon but encouraged. No one wants to do this alone so if you are the best friend/roommate/sister/or just the person standing in arms length distance you have to do everything the birthday girl does---including the hangover…

Today is my roommate/best friends 21^st so all of you out there expect drunk dials and to the Whataburger attendant, please have the honey butter chicken biscuit waiting -see you tomorrow morning.

Basically don’t be sad if you haven’t turned 21 its coming soon and it is worth it when it comes and if you are 21 congrats for surviving and find younger friends so you can repeat the fun on the reg.

Calling all boys: IT'S WHITE JEANS SEASON!

How many fashion rules do you follow?

I don’t really follow any other than, “mix and match it’s fun to do!” and I don’t really actually think that is a fashion rule I think it is more of something my mother just started saying when she realized that me being allowed to dress myself meant I was going to put orange polka dotted leggings with a purple and green stripped shirt. I never really followed any other fashion rules though. Sorry Anna Wintour you might rule vogues fashion world but not mine.

This brings me to the “no white after Labor Day and only after Easter” rule. This means boys your favorite time of year as begun….WHITE JEANS SEASON! Actually lucky for the boys most college girls in Texas know that spring break is always the beginning of white jeans season.

White jeans may intimidate you ladies…if your legs aren’t stick thin or if you know mother nature will be giving you a lovely gift soon but all I have to say is. There is genius in boldness-do what you can today…aka where your white jeans proudly and you will find you a hottie!

A fellow blogger and good friend(who is cute and single and ready to mingle) tells me his feelings on white jeans, “one they are an easier color to see the shape of a girls butt i think or maybe the white attracts your eyes more but i cant stop looking when the jeans are white. It also makes your wonder if they are wearing underwear....and usually we guess no...which puts a smile on our face.” ***For more thoughts from Big Cat check out doyouwannacumova.blogspot.com*** Though that might be a little vulgar, once again it’s the truth and lets be honest it makes the boys drool. It’s all in the color.

You are tan, looking good with your spring break bikini bod, so to quote Hilary Duff "why not take a crazy chance, why not do a crazy dance"….in your white pants!

I know I will be shakin’ my white jeans proudly from now until Labor Day on the reg.

BIG BLONDE AND BEAUTIFUL

During the winter have you ever wished you looked a little bit more like the summer version of you?

We all do-there is no question in my mind that everyone would agree, we all look better in the summer. You are tanner, skinnier, blonder and just all around better looking. Cosmo had a statistic that something like 54% of people meet their boyfriends/girlfriends in the warmer months. Yes, the weather is hotter but I’m convinced as a race, WE ARE HOTTER too!

So because I will be spending my spring break in New York City (buying clothes for the warmer months slash my new boy toy that I’m destined to find this spring) I will not be getting a tan like those of you partying it up in Cabo Wabo. Therefore I decided to solve all my problems in a bottle. No, not the alcohol bottle (but that might help too) a bottle self tanner and a bottle of shampoo that is color depositing (blonde, of course). Both of which have a weird stench, a horrifyingly bright orange color and have glitter in them-just call me Mariah.

Yes, sometimes these things go horribly wrong. People turn orange, they smell funny, and all around look like an umpa lumpa. And the shampoo could be bad too, the whole my hair turning bleach blonde or all my hair falling out thing is petrifying. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

So far, I am a couple of days in and none of these terrifying things have happened…actually I’m lookin’ kinda good.

So all you paradise jet setters be ready because when you get back I’ll be big blonde and beautiful and will have a whole new wardrobe.

So watch out all you guys out there I am ready for the warm months and I’ll be out on the prowl on the reg.

spring break workout terror

Have you ever felt like you would rather anything happen that you been seen while working out?

I have…daily. Being that it is the week before, the weeke before spring break EVERYONE is at the REC. Therefore, being the single the girl that I am, looking a hot mess while working out isn’t ideal. So here is how the week at the REC went for me:

Monday: I went in the afternoon, to expect to see no one there. It is usually pretty empty early afternoon, so I figured it would be a good day to wear my leggings that have a hole in them. Oh yes, the hole is strategically right in the middle of my left butt cheek. Its small and most people wouldn’t notice and usually my shirt is covering it. Well I’m downstairs in the REC doing lunges(the area were all the cute boys are) and I see this really cute boy checking me out. Of course I am thinking, ohh yea I’m so cute…it wasn’t until I got home that I noticed the whole was now the size of a dime and he wasn’t looking at my (not-so) hot bod but really just the huge hole in my ass.

Tuesday: During class a couple good friends and I decide to go to a kickboxing class at the REC-great idea right, work out early, get our lives all together, it will be fun! NOT FUN! MISERABLY HARD! 1^st Nazi lesbian teacher is terrifying and very serious. She preempts the class by saying if you feel nauseous at any time feel free to excuse yourself! I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was coaching for bulimia! 2^nd right after our extremely hard class, to reward ourselves we headed for Fuzzy’s Taco Shop and munched hard…glad we burned all those calories. I mean at least we walked over there right.

Wednesday: I woke up miserably sore (thank you Nazi kick boxing teacher) and headed to the REC for a light work out right before my afternoon class. This class is full of cute boys, maybe my only class with boys in it in general. So while at the REC my friend points out the bearded midget man next to us jumping rope vigorously. Oh don’t worry it was my professor for the class I had that afternoon. I thought, awkward, but no big deal. Later that afternoon, he calls me out in front of the whole class, “Hey, maybe we should get on a work out regimen together…looks like you were getting at the weights pretty hard.” And success, I am mortified…don’t think I’ll be getting asked out on any dates from that class, now that teach and I have our weekly REC date.

Thursday: I went to the REC around 5, horrible mistake. Not only is it crowded it is full of boys! Hot boys that are going to see me looking a hot mess. Everyone has that one boy that they would do anything to date, well mine is older, beautiful and clearly spends a lot of time at the REC if you know what I mean. Well anyways, I was working out on the machine next to the stairs. I see him coming up the stairs so I start to go faster and right as he said, “oh hey,” my knee gave out and I FEEL OFF THE MACHINE. Mind you it was a cross trainer so after I fell off it came back and hit me. Kick me while I’m down…awesome. Thank god, he didn’t notice, but the girl next to me gave me the laugh/sorry for me “Are you ok?” PERFECT.

It’s Friday morning and I am very reluctant to get up and go to the REC in fear of something happening that will either seriously hurt me physically or something happening that will prevent me from ever getting a date.

All I know is come two weeks from now, all this torture better be worth it when I am sportin my bather on the reg.